November 18, 2012

Stories from a Nurse

When I worked in the ER during my specialty semester in school, would have been the perfect time to have a blog. Those patients, those stories, would have seriously shamelessly given me some of my best material.

However a couple nights ago, I had one of those nights. That were just too crazy, but at the same time...funny.

First there were these three patients. All in their own room, two right next to each other and the other right across. 

All three of these patients are kinda annoying. One of the men (who has dementia and even when his dementia is not showing through is a total jerk) starting moaning....really loud.

The girl right across the way (who had her gall bladder removed and is addicted to pain meds) yelled at the other patient to "shut the duck up." Okay she didn't say duck, but you get the gist. 

Then the patient next to her said "both of you shut the duck up!" and then the original guy said "no you shut the duck up!"

Then they all proceeded to yell duck you, no you duck you, duck you....on repeat.

It sounded like a bad chant. 

So my bad, I sat there and giggled. And then directed the patients to be quiet.

They proceeded to make my life a living hell the rest of the shift, but at least the chanting was done.

Then pain girl in an effort to really show me she was in pain, started moaning...right as I was about to leave.

This moaning instead of sounding like a moan of pain sounded like....
an orgasm. 

No worries, one of my other patients--who thinks he is some sort of intellectual (yeah I promise I do not work in a psych ward) asked me if I read the book he was reading. Oh did I mention that the book was 50 Shades of Gray?

I said, no old dude, I have not read 50 Shades of Gray. He then proceeded to tell me that it was well written but that he prefers his pornography in a different matter. Sorry dude, if you are insinuating that I will sneak you in some Playboys, you are sorely mistaken.

Meanwhile, pain girl is still having her "pain" orgasms.

Oh a casual evening night as a nurse...


  1. Oh my gosh hahaha, that is madness! Glad it was entertaining though! :)

  2. Oh my goodness, sounds like an entertaining night. I'm sure you see some very interesting people in the ER :)

  3. Oh how funny. Are you sure we don't work together? That sounds like something that could happen at my place.

  4. This is getting forwarded when I‘m back at my laptop! Out of interest, does the nuttiness go up with a full moon? Certainly that was always when I used to get phonecalls from my most truly insane clients

  5. Haha! I do not envy you and your job! I don't know how you do it...i think i would have shouted "how about you all duck off and go to sleep!" xx

  6. Oh man. My husband always comes home with interesting stories from the hospital, but I don't think he's ever had any stories quite that interesting!

  7. My sister is a CNA. She always has silly stories. And sometimes it's stories of her getting beat up. Patients are crazy!

  8. LOL what a great read for a Monday! haha Have a good week!

  9. Haha oh my gosh, patients can sure be entertaining!!

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  11. Very eventful shift at work. At least you were entertained and not bored. It is crazy the things people say and do.

  12. Also, don't forget "I am allergic to everything except Dilaudid"! That is always a classic too! Or Dilada as some people call it! LOL.




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